You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
