So drunk its hurt
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
