my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
