Can i not drive my cunt home
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
