sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
