Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
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