id be glad to
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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