Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
