We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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