Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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