U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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