the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
