whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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