i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
