she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
