Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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