I looked at my own cervix.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize