Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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