i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
