my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
