Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
