we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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