So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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