I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
