I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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