walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
