even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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