you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
