Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
