I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
