He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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