I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
