that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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