Can Purell be used as lube?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize