i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
