he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
