In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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