my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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