am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
