my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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