Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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