Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
