i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
