Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
