I wish I only lived at night.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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