Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
This girl is more easily done than said...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
