and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
