how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
