Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
