Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize