I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
