it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
