i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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