i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
