never play flip cup with pint glasses
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
as a side note pls kill me
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
