Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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