she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
