Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
