did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
