5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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