dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
