Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
