my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
