There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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