Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
