he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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