i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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