Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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