standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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