you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize