Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
