she woke up with a sticky ear
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
