Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
two words...techno handjob
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
