I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize