then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize