i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
