She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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