Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
