ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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