Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize