Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
