He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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