i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
