I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize