The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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