If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
