Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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