so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
