??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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