never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
