That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
