There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
