wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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