We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
