The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
