Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
