My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
