Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
only you would photoshop your dick
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
