I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
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