thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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