i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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