I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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