why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
