rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
