Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
