it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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