This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
