I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
