Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
