guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
