That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize