Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
